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Recovery from religious abuse
By Eric Merrill Budd
What happens to individuals who have been psychologically
abused and morally betrayed by fundamentalist cultic religious groups? How can
they recover from the damage done? Physically leaving such a group is relatively
easy, but the emotional and psychological departure can take months or even
years. This is why many people do not understand how any person can stay within
a situation of religious abuse — much the same way that people fail to see how
battered women stay with their abusers.
Such dysfunctional and destructive groups often use
manipulation, fear, and deception to maintain a hold on members. They also
shower their prey with unbelievable amounts of affection and approval for
staying in the group and meeting their expectations ("love-bombing").
Groups also control and distort information from the outside. Thus it becomes a
sin to read any "worldly" publications or "spiritual
pornography." The group makes an extremely sharp distinction between right
and wrong, good and evil; everything in the group is positive (godly),
everything outside is negative (satanic). Ambiguity, doubts, and serious
questions are not tolerated. The authority of the group's leadership is
virtually absolute. All problems are oversimplified and deflected either away
from the group or back towards the individual (this is a methodology that I have
come to call conflict isolation).
It is no wonder, therefore, that the religiously abused
frequently suffer from emotional and psychological problems. I believe that it
is high time that our society recognizes and deals with religious abuse as a
social-psychological disorder in itself.
Generally, a person who breaks involvement with a
dysfunctional group will encounter the following problems:
 | Depression — the product of group-induced self-doubt and
self-blame.
| Isolation and loneliness — the shock of crossing the
barrier from one social environemnt to another.
| Impairment of decision-making and other intellectual
skills.
| Floating — occasional lapses into the group's imposed
mindset, often triggered by certain stimuli (music, symbols, key words or
phrases, etc.).
| Difficulty in talking about group involvement — often
related to strong feelings of guilt, fear, and bitterness.
| Interpersonal difficulties — communication, expression,
making new friends, organized activities, dating, emotional and physical
intimacy, etc. Recent walk aways are frequently mistrustful and suspicious
of other people and groups.
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So, how does one recover? How does a person heal the wounds of
religious abuse? Hopefully, within a caring and understanding new social
setting. This can be a family, a support or therapy group, or an organized
community such as a mainstream church, religious group, or humanist society. It
should also be done with patience and the consideration that recovery will take
time and effort. The following are some ideas for persons who have walked away
from religious abuse and who are on the road to reclaiming their lives.
| Work towards trusting yourself and relying on your own
abilities.
| Put your experience down in writing. This will help you to
evaluate, understand, and cope with your past involvement in the abusive
group.
| Get in touch with other people who have gone through
similar experiences, either one-on-one or in a support group.
| Find a hobby or pastime to reinforce a positive sense of
accomplishment.
| When floating occurs, firmly remind yourself that the
episode was triggered by some stimulus. Remember also that it will pass.
Identify the trigger, learn to make a new association, and repeat the new
association until it overrides the old one. Talking it over with someone who
undersands can really help, too.
| Handle decisions, tasks, and relearning of interpersonal
skills one setp at a time. Don't rush yourself, talk and think things over,
and don't be afraid if you make mistakes — we all do!
| Be more willing to help people as you go along. This builds
up self-esteems and exercises your problem-solving skills.
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| Take a breather from organized religion for about three to
nine months, at least. Deal with your questions about religion, ethics, and
philosophy in an honest and challenging manner. |
Remember, you are no longer a victim but a survivor!
© 2000 Institute for First Amendment Studies, Inc.
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